Sex… consistent and frequent sex we are told, is a critical part of any marriage; easily as important as sleep. But what do you do if you are in a marriage or long-term relationship where sex isn’t happening?
You’ll note that I titled this article “Sexless Marriage and the Moral Man.” There are two reasons:
- Seeking sex outside of the relationship is not an option. There are those of us for whom “Thou shalt not commit adultery” still carries meaning.
- This article is exclusively for men.
I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist, or some other soft-science “expert.” I am a man who has walked around on this planet with my eyes open for long enough to have learnt a bit about human nature. So I’m going to take a different tack than most, and offer some advice by way of talking about an old dog.
Be Careful What You Wish For
Imagine you adopt a dog. An Amstaff (American Staffordshire Terrier), they’re known for being devoted, loyal, courageous, friendly, and tenacious… all qualities to which a gentleman aspires. You shower him with love and affection. He is your best pal, and you spend time walking, wrestling, playing catch, and watching TV. Every day when you get home, he is waiting at the door, excited to see you and spend time with you.
Let us further imagine that this routine goes on for six months or so (three-ish “dog years”). But as time goes by, you grow tired of playing with him every. single. day. So, you decide that you’ve had enough, and you change your behaviour.
Now, when you get home, the dog is waiting, and he is eager for your attention and affection. But your response is to say “NO!” and give him a swift kick to the side of his head. Confused and dejected, he will back away.
Every day, when you come home, you follow the same routine. When he runs to you seeking affection, you tell him “NO!” and kick him in the head.
After a while, he will be reluctant to approach you for affection. But occasionally, his nature as a loyal and devoted friend, combined with his tenacity, will get the better of him. He will forget himself and meet you at the door as though he does not know the consequences now. But a sharp “NO!” and a swift, solid kick to the head will send him away.
After a while, he will stop coming to you for affection. Having learnt his lesson, he will avoid the rejection and pain that results from physical contact with you.
You recognize that your behaviour is causing him to avoid you. And you don’t want him to run away, because he is a good guard dog after all. He would put himself between you and danger without a second thought. And besides, you like his company as long as he isn’t trying to touch you.
So you change your behaviour again. About once a month, instead of giving him a kick to the head and a sharp “NO!” You deign to play with him… if there isn’t something good on the telly. You take him for a walk, wrestle with him, love on him, and feed him a steak.
For that one chance at infrequent affection, your dog will let you kick him in the head every day for the rest of his life. No amount of abuse will drive him away from you.
Man or Dog?
Gentlemen, are you a slave to your passions? Are you without self-control? Have you ever referred to yourself as “DAWG” (even in jest)? If the answer is yes, then you need to man up and learn some self-control. Otherwise, you will be controlled by some woman for the rest of your life.
Let me put this in simple terms. You cannot live without air, water, food, and some sort of shelter. But… sex is NOT a necessity for life.
You’ve probably heard it in conversation… women expressing their disdain for “needy men.” Unfortunately, these women have been deceived. Most any woman will express that she wants to feel desired. But the modern western female has confused ‘desire’ with ‘need.’
If a woman sees that you “need” sex, then that will be the mechanism by which she will control you. And she exerts that control through her rejection of you. And that rejection is not merely physical. She will reject your dreams, your goals & ambitions as well as your advances.
A man is hard wired to go out into the world and slay dragons. To face danger, hardship, and rejection in the mission to provide for his family. Facing rejection out in the world is part of life. It drives us to double-down on our efforts to succeed. For some, facing rejection out in the world is an invigorating challenge.
On the other hand… rejection at home… by your own woman, distorts your perception of reality, and messes with your mind. Rejection at home destroys your confidence. Rejection at home kills your motivation. Rejection at home crushes your self-esteem, steals your “mojo,” and ruins your focus.
Sexless Marriage Solution
Do you honor your marriage vow? Then decide that you will never again face rejection at the hands of your own woman.
“But Gideon, most states have laws for that sort of thing!” you might say… You are correct, we live in a matriarchy, but you are thinking with your Johnson again. I am not suggesting that you take sex, or even demand sex.
What I am telling you to do is to forget sex. A marriage bed that is devoid of activity is far better than a woman who rejects her own husband.
Rollo Tomassi put it best when he wrote ‘you cannot negotiate desire.’ Human beings move towards the things they want, and away from the things they do not want. If you are not getting any affection at home, then your woman does not want your affection. It is that simple.
There is nothing you can *do* that will make her want sex with you. Laundry, dish washing, and other household chores will not ignite her passion. There is a saying in the American South that “no woman ever shot a man while he was doing the dishes.” The unspoken corollary is “she never gave him a blow job either.”
Rather than suffer the rejection that will crush your self-respect… and your confidence… You are better to be without sex at all.
A man who is not getting regular sex from his own woman, is… I’ll wager… a man who has dreams that he has not accomplished… or has even forgotten.
Once you have purposed in your heart to drop sex from your list of “needs,” you will feel a sense of relief. If your woman has ever “threatened” you with loneliness [if you do not comply with her demands], you will also feel liberated. Once you put away sex, you will regain your manhood, your mojo, and your confidence.
Here is the secret: It is not in the putting away of sex, or the abstinence that you find freedom. It is in the mastery of self that you will find freedom… and the self-respect you lost while a blue-pill slave to the feminine imperative.
Make no mistake, you are not denying your masculinity OR your sexuality. You are reclaiming it. You will exercise your sexuality again… But in YOUR timeline, and under YOUR terms.
Most importantly… you will be able to regain the focus that you have lost, get back to the manly business of slaying dragons, and accomplish those dreams you have forgotten during the long years you wasted operating under the wrong set of rules.
Go forth and conquer what you can.